Why Every Parent Needs a Community of Support

We never know when tragedy is going to find its way to our door.  That was the case for my family in 2019.  My husband passed away, leaving me the widow of a thirteen-year-old boy.  Thirteen is such a crucial age. It is when you start to hit puberty and as a young man, you learn how to shave amongst so many other monumental milestones.  Being thirteen and without a father is brutal.  Though I felt lost at that time, something I knew very clearly, I could not be a mother and a father to my son.  There were just things that a boy needed to hear and to learn from a man.  

There were a couple of families that we had gotten to know over the years that derived from the friends of our son.  The boys spent time playing together, and we as parents, also spent time in each other's company.   So much so, we went on vacation several times as a group.  When my son lost his father, those families were there at the funeral, by our side to help support us through a difficult time.  One family took it even further.  Knowing that it was now just my son and me, they invited my son to their house every Thursday for family dinner where the two parents, their two boys, and my son would sit down, eat dinner, and talk.  The father would then spend time with the boys doing homework, playing basketball, talking about God and about how to make good choices and become young men. He mentored my son and taught him things that as a dad, you would teach your sons.  His wife would love my son and treat him like her own.  Every Thursday, until my son graduated, that family graciously filled a void.  That father would go to my son’s baseball games, cheer him on, and encourage him.  

My son played baseball.  During practice at his high school, I pulled his coach aside and I commissioned him to take a more active role in my son’s life.  I gave the coach the freedom to talk to my son like he was his own, to have those heart-to-hearts with him, and speak truth to him the way a father would.  The coach graciously and gladly took that role.  One day after practice, I was met with a precious moment where I saw my son and his coach walk around the field with the coach’s arm around him, talking to him like a father would to his son.  

I couldn’t bring his father back to him, but I could make sure that there were men in his life to help fill the void, to help keep him on the right path.  We don’t have to do life alone, and we certainly don’t have to be parents alone.  We need a community.  It takes a village to raise a child.  Whether you insert yourself to help a family in need or you commission someone to take an active role in your child’s life, don’t be afraid to seek out and call on your community.  

My son is an adult now, and his direction, his choices, have derived from the direct influence of those men in his life that took it upon themselves and/or met the challenge I requested from them to pour into my son, to help him become a man of honor, integrity and so much more.  My son did not go down the wrong path; he was not a statistic.  Instead by the support and love of men in his life, he stayed on the right path, graduated high school and is now playing baseball in college.  Community played a significant role in my life and my son’s life.  It can, for you too.  Don’t be afraid to reach out, to ask for help, to give help when you see a need.  We need each other.  We need a community. .…you got this!!!